Mother’s Day has a different meaning to me this year. If you’ve lost a loved one before, you know all about that year of ‘firsts’ that comes with grieving, including the first holidays without that person, first new milestones, first major life shifts you wish you could share with them. Mother’s Day is one of those big firsts for me this year, since losing my mom in January. And while yes, a large part of me will be grieving, I’m also taking the time to rethink what Mother’s Day means to me now that my kids are getting older. How do I want to spend it? What will it look like for years to come? How will my girls remember Mother’s Day long after they’ve moved out of our house and started building their own lives?
Sure, moms deserve recognition more than one day a year. We’re the cogs that keep the family unit running — school, doctor’s appointments, social calendars, sports, finding the lip gloss your child can’t seem to keep track of, and making what feels like 1,000 meals and snacks a week, often on top of holding down a job outside the home. And honestly, it’s not even all the tasks (I have an amazingly helpful partner in my husband). It’s the mental load that I think overstimulates moms in our society right now. All the planning, the emotional regulating, the constant juggling, and the noise of what society believes motherhood should look like. That’s what really wears on us.
For years, the running joke among moms on social media has been that ‘what moms really want for Mother’s Day is time alone, without the kids.’ And yes, I truly could use a little time to myself to not think about anyone but me. But I’m using this transition in my life to think about how I want to position Mother’s Day in our family instead (the self-care can come another day).
Growing up, my brother and I would go with our mom every Mother’s Day to an event she participated in for decades called The Decorator Showhouse. It was an annual fundraiser put on over several weeks in April and May by local interior designers from around Indiana, who came together to make over a home in the Indianapolis area. People from all around the region would come to view the designers’ work, and ticket sales went to a local charity. The whole event came to a culmination on Mother’s Day, and that was the day we always went with my mom, every year, for as long as I can remember, until we were in college and out of the house.
We’d walk through every room, each one totally different from the next because the house was filled with over twenty designers’ points of view and styles (including one designed by her). Afterwards, we’d have lunch there together and then pick out flowers to plant at our house. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I looked forward to it every single year. It’s amazing to me how a family tradition, even one that has nothing to do with a holiday centered around presents or candy, can be something a child latches onto and tucks away as one of those core memories from childhood.
All of this to say: I’m rethinking and re-envisioning what Mother’s Day looks like for me and my girls. Yes, brunch and flowers are wonderful. But what kind of tradition can I create that my girls will actually look forward to doing with me every year, even into their teenage years? I haven’t figured that out yet. It might take a year, or a few, to land on the right thing, but I’m excited about the thought of it.
Do you have a favorite Mother’s Day tradition you do with your family, or one you remember from childhood? I’d love to hear about it! Reply here to share your favorites. I might even pull together a list of fun activities so we can all be inspired.
To the new moms, the grieving moms, those who have lost their moms, those wishing to become moms, and the honorary moms, as this week approaches, we’re wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day, no matter what it looks like for you this year.
XO
Megan